I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
