your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
