i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
