Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
