I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
