Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
