neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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