this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
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I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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