Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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