Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
