I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
