my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
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We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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