Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
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Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
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he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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