How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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