You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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