she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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