you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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