I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
