so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
