i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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