His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
