this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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