Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
