omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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