you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
