i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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