So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
