her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
