I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
