I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
