The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
