the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I want her autograph on my taint
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Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
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Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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