I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
