I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
