im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
