Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
