Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
