evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
