im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
