I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
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This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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