I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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