Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
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i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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