i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
