She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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