We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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