Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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