The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
