just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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