Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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