I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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