its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
what the fuck happened to the tacos
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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