Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
