What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
