Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
