You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
