i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
