I have demons in me.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
