I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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