He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
