May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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