hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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