I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
