This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
being pregnant is like rehab
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
