oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
